Worry not GOT followers – there be no spoilers here.
My husband posed an interesting question to me the other day: if you had to be a member of a house in Game of Thrones, which house would you choose? Seems like a simple enough question to answer, until you think about it at all. I almost jumped in with Stark, but then, hang on, if you’re a Stark you’re probably going to die on a matter of principle at some point. At the very least life is going to be pretty epically shit for you.
Just a quick aside here because I can’t help myself. One of the things I really admire about GOT is the way it takes the traditional fantasy hero: noble, just and, well, good… and says, you simply wouldn’t last with those sensibilities in a place like this. The Starks won’t bend, and so the Starks must break.
Right – back to it! So then I started to think about all of the houses (the ones that are heavily featured anyway), and here are my thoughts:
Lannister: No. No. Definitely not a Lannister. Ok, Jaime is pretty sweet and Tyrion is brilliant. I even admire Cersai. But no. Just no. They are the most screwed up family of them all. For the last time no.
Baratheon: Well, Robert seemed like fun, but can you imagine growing up with a brother like Stannis? Can you imagine being in a family that would produce such extremes? I mean Robert is basically a giant id and Stannis is all super-ego.
Tully: You’d have to have Catelyn Stark as a sister. So no.
Targaryen: Well, most of them have been murdered but if you’re still around you might get to have a dragon. So this is a possibility. Unless you’re one of the mad Targaryen’s.
Bolton: All the flaying. The horrible, horrible flaying. No.
Greyjoy: The name says it all really. It takes ‘joy’ and marries it with ‘grey’. So, basically, there is no joy. Being in this family seems pretty crap.
Karstark: The Karstarks lack any level of self-awareness at all. This lot get pissy when they’re held accountable for murdering some defenceless boys. So no. Karstarks – you are rubbish.
Umber: These guys seem ok, but being a northern house they are pretty much doomed, if not from general GOT circumstances then from the horde of ice-zombies slowly moving south.
Martell: They live in the sun, have a propensity towards poison and spears and it doesn’t look like you wanna mess with them. I’d be looking over my shoulder all the time waiting for the knife to be plunged into my back – but this lot would be a possibility…
Tyrell: The best grandmother ever, so despite the difficulties they may face these guys would be fun to hang out with. They know how to party and, apparently, the best wine is Westeros comes from their vines. So actually – that pretty much sells it to me.
Frey: No! The bastards!
Arryn: No. There’s a very real chance of still being breast-fed when you’re twelve if you’re part of this family. So, once again, no.
Mormont: Generally decent chaps, though you’re likely to end up at the wall or being banished.
Clegane: The hound is great. The Mountain is not. If the Mountain is your brother, you’re probably dead.
Baelish: All the endless scheming. You might be safe, but you’re probably not happy.
Seaworth: Yay for Davos. Not to be confused with Davros. Two very different people. with very different ideas. The problem with being part of this house, though, is following Stannis.
And that’s it. There are loads more, but I think that’s all of the houses we really care about. So, for me, it comes down to: Targaryen, Martell or Tyrell. Mostly from the perspective of survival, sun and opportunities to fly on a dragon. Factor in wine and the Tyrells win. I’m just never moving to King’s Landing.
Who would you choose?
Que GOT music: ‘du, du, dudududu… dudududu… dudududu…’